Piss Holes and Frozen Dumps

A sure sign of spring is the emergence of the bright yellow piss holes gleaming in the spring sunlight. Yellow daffies provide a natural garnish to their ominipresence.

Equally scattered about are the dog dumps. The fresh steam has long since merged with the atmosphere, except of course this morning's contribution.

It seems the snow fall record for Erie will not be broken this season. No snow in the forecast and temps are continually edging up. Still impressive season with an official 141.7 inches making it #4 on the all time list. Only one storm of 8 inches from primo. Lots of piles for the spring time pissholes.

Sunny Florida

Did the short week Florida trip. Two days down and two days back. Great weather south of Macon - 80's and clear skies.

A few notables:

- Traffic around Atlanta sucks and that's with 6 lanes.

- Did not see one solar panel in all of Florida. I believe it is called the sunshine state. So what's up with that?

- Looked for access to the Ocala National Forest. Eventually found one trailhead but took a couple of jaunts across RT 40. Why are they hiding it?

- First time on the panhandle. Some sections reminded us of the OBX. Other sections much quieter. And other sections - not.

- Old people all look the same: pot bellies, fat hairless calves, too much exposed chest hair, saggy asses, ...... and the old men don't look any better.

Some eatery notes:

- Chilli's in Princeton, WV met expectations with front stoop parking, good service, good selection of tap, iced beer mug, and good eats with nice blend of background music. No barf bag's.

- Ruth's StreakHouse in Destin, FL. This was a major mistake. I take full responsibility for not immediately turning around after seeing the signs stating valet parking only. The parking lot was nearly empty. The service was on the verge of overbearing. The waitress provided way too much family information and thinking we cared. They prouded themselves on the al carte portion sizes - like it's important the we get 2 heads of broccoli instead of one. The value meal choice was ok although the fillet mignon was cut for a small midget. Oh, almost forgot. They had a wine list 50 pages long but the only beer selection was Anheuser's usuals and we know why they keep them horses. Rating at a generous 4 barf bags.

- IHOP. Tough to argue with breakfast 24/7. Only 1 barf bag due to the sticky syrup containers. But the service was good and the cakes were fine dining.

- Perkins. Sevice was questionable with a late delivery of the cup of soup that should have been a bowl. The sandwich was mediocre at best. 2 1/2 barf bags.

- Grammie Beth's spagetti and meatballs. I got hand it to the old gal. She's still got it. Nuff said. Off scale greatness.

- OutBarf, aka, OutBack. Ok I never learn. I have yet to have eaten at an OutBarf and not woken up 6 hours later with heartburn that would knock a rhino to its knees. Happened again in Princeton, WV. Had the ribs which were good at the initial eating but delivered that 6 hour delay of gut wrenching regurgitation. 3 barf bags. It would have been 4 but the service was ok and the cold tap fosters is always good.

- Holiday Inn Express Continental Breakfast. I generally like the selections. Most have the rasin bran. Most have the scrambled eggs. Some have the cheese egg combo which needs to be rethought cause that cheese blows. Always got cold OJ. 1 barf bag for the keeping the cheese egg combo and in one case not having enough seating capacity.

Both sets of folks were good. The circle of life shows tiny hints that immaturity and pettiness may come full circle. Or perhaps it was always there.

Why not view the world with a half full mindset?

An olive still floats in a half-filled glass.

It's a well worn metaphor but still appropriate in describing one's outlook in life.

A turd by any other name is still a stinking turd.

A stinking pile of dog dump still stinks by any other name. Same goes for managed risked loans, packaged derivatives, underperforming assets and any other Ivy League B-school financing moniker given to "what the hell were you thinking." Anyone with a functioning brain could have seen the divergent trends of personal income and housing pricing. Personal income has remained relatively constant for many years. The only major change has been the 2 wage earner family during the last generation but that has been pretty much tapped out with 75% of the available spouses already in the workforce. Housing pricing has increased 5-10% for a decade. Duh. How could anyone think this could sustain itself even with clever loan packages. And now we have the current mess.

Bankers have become equal partners in society's sludge pool with lawyers and politicians. The crap pile just gets bigger and more pungent.

America's Least Favorite Past Time on Roids

A Rod does juice. Ho-hum. Pass the pretzels and mustard. Why do we care. We don't. Americas least favorite past time has less excitement than mid day shuffle board in the Villages. So why would a juice head risk raisin nuts and juice rage to smack a few more balls out of the park? Some illusion of greatness and a chance to boink Madonna. The later might happen but the former - who cares.

Reefer Madness in a Speedo

Michael got caught sniffing the feel good lettuce. Lost his pic on the Wheaties Box and the US swim team furloughed him for a short spell. Holy crickie. What's next Kermit caught sneaking a peak at Piggies silk undies!?!

Consciousness In a Pickle Jar

I was on that fine edge of a deep sleep and full consciousness when I had the darkest thought. I could hear the wind against the windows. Feel the cool air over my face. Sense my tingling toes against the blankets. Smell the week-old jeans and barely see the dim light through my still closed eyes. Then the thought hit me.

Is one form of hell a fully conscious brain without any direct sensory feedback? Lucid thoughts, desires, awareness but nary a sensory nerve in action. Holy damnation! No sight, feel, sound, smell, taste all the while the brain synapses firing away. To maintain a sense of sanity would the brain create its own imagined sensory feedback? Would its current memories provide the sense of surreal being?  Would new memories occur?

How do we know that this isn't already our current state?!?

Play safe my friends ;-)

last week of January in review

A few notable items:

- 129.5 inches of snow so far in Erie. Makes it the 5th snowest season on record!! Sure looks a record is in the making.

- Bankers have no clue and we're idiots for allowing them to rape the taxpayer. Handing out over 18B in bonuses to bank employees that were taxpayer bailed out is just plain stealing. The reason given is to hold onto the best and brightest. It's ironic that the best and brightest caused the mess in the first place. Quite frankly why aren't the management teams that were in place when they headed under all out of jobs and shunned? It's clear their greed is a major cause of the current global economic crisis the world world currently in.

- The message we're hearing from our new Commander-in-Chief is disappointing. To keep stating that it will get worse before it gets better offers scant hope for the folks that have become jobless, lost their homes, ..... It's no better than the press continuing to headline the massive layoffs, the failed banks and every other doom and gloom issue they can print about. I'm convinced much of the actual recession is a result of the 24/7 negative news causing everyone to panic and compounding the tight economy which is strongly driven by consumer confidence. Why is anyone surprised that consumer confidence is at historical lows when everything one hears is negative. A leader would calm the troops by giving them a sense of hope and guidance on the turnaround. The claim that it will get worse before it gets better is managing expectations of their leadership and providing a prophecy that will be fulfilled just by the fact that the leader had stated it.

- Today is SuperBowl Sunday. Should be an interesting game but I must remind everyone that it's just a game. A few million people will have a day of diversion from life's mundane but world peace and the cure for cancer won't be any closer.

Technology Trajectory

For you technicrats and humans that reap the technology benefits.

Technololgy trajectory is generally a powerlaw function that depicts the ever accelerating technical advances. To show this amazing trend here are some example trajectoties.

Human-to-Human commmuication:

- wall paintings
- messengers
- drums
- handscriped text
- printing press
- pony express
- telegraph
- telephone
- radio
- television
- internet
- email
- cell phones
- texting

Music
- human singing
- phonographs
- magnetic tape
- 8-Track
- Cassette tape
- CD
- flash memory
- internet
- smart phone

Engineering Computing
- abasus
- slide rule
- hand held calculater
- mainframe computer
- PC
- internet

Engineering Documents
- drawings
- 2D CAD
- 3D CAD
- PDM
- PLM
- Expert Systems
- Smart CAD

Medical Care
- herbal
- antibiotics
- scapel surgery
- drug age
- custom drug age
- genetic manipulation

Travel
- walking
- riding horses, camels.....
- canoe, boat
- bicyle
- rail, steamer
- auto
- airplane
- rocket ship
- airplane car

Weapons
- rock, stick
- fire
- spear, arrow
- shield, sword
- gunpower
- cannon
- bullet
- bomb
- nuclear
- biochemical
- laser
- computer virus

From the messenger to the telegraph over 10,000 years. From the telegraph to text messages roughly 150 years.

insurance culture

When and how did we become a society and culture of insurance!?!

Here's a listing of what most people have directly or indirectly:
- car
- home
- life
- health
- workman's comp
- disability
- unemployment
- medicare
- social security

The approximate cost in % of average wages: 50%!!!!!!!!!

If you factor in the cost to business for product/service liability then another few % need to be added.

The cost really is much higher than this. It supports and encourages a litigious society and a sense of entitlement. Both compound the need for more insurance and added cost for the same insurance. This will continue to spiral itself out control and be limited only when people can't feed themselves which is already happening with health care insurance.

Then there's the cost efficiency of the insurance coverage. Insurance companies whether it be Erie Insurance, uncle Sam or your state of residence all have paid people that administer the policies and programs. I'd guess that at least 50% of the oost of insurance is administrative cost. These organizations need to grow to survive so more insurance products are developed and sold.

Some of the big hitters are mandated by federal and state laws. Social Security, Medicare, unemployment, workman's comp, auto ...... Legislators meaning well but feedng the problem with high octane fuel.

The spiral continues unabated.

climate change

Global climate change? Of course. The mult-universe and all it's constituents are continually changing. The earth is nothing but a tiny speck in the universal spectrum but nontheless it continues to change along with the rest of the specks. But this change is occurring at the universal time scale of billions of years.

Closer to home and the human time scale of a millenia or two the revelant questions are whether climate change is occurring and whether humans have had an environmental impact on the 3rd rock from our sun. I'm personally not sure. However, there is sufficient evidence that the local Erie, PA climate is undergoing a short term change. Note the seasonal snowfall totals tallied below. 4 of the 10 snowest seasons have occurred in the last 8 years and we have had 90 inches so far during the 2008-09 season and it's only January 12th and it's currently snowing! Go back 20 years and 7 of the 10 snowest seasons have occurred. On the flip side all 10 of the least snowest seasons occurred between 1906 and 1948. Sure looks like a 100 year cycle to me.

......GREATEST.................................. LEAST
1. 149.1 .....2000-01 ------------------1. 19.6 ..........1932-33
2. 143.0.... 2002-03 ------------------2. 22.8 ..........1918-19
3. 142.8 ....1977-78 -------------------3. 30.4.......... 1931-32
4. 131.3..... 1993-91------------------ 4. 32.1........... 1905-06
5. 129.2..... 1995-96------------------ 5. 32.3.......... 1948-49
6. 124.9..... 1985-86------------------ 6. 35.2.......... 1906-07
7. 122.6..... 2004-05------------------ 7. 35.6......... 1936-37
8. 120.0.... 1970-71------------------- 8. 35.9......... 1928-29
9. 118.7..... 2007-08------------------ 9. 37.9.......... 1921-22
10. 115.9... 1963-64------------------ 10. 38.1........ 1941-42

Head Bangers Better Off Bonging

From the latest "No Shit Sherlock" files:

Metal Health: Head Banging Hurts
Head Bangers at Risk for Neck, Head Injury, Possibly Stroke

http://www.webmd.com/news/20081217/metal-health-head-banging-hurts

Two doctors paid to study why Ozzie Osborne mumbles and drools and brain sloshing may not be terribly healthy for juiced up fans! WTF! OK maybe Ozzie's brain has been through a bit more than concert stage head banging. But slamming one's brain around at a 2 hour concert with 110 dBA noise pounding the same brain has be like no shit it's gonna hurt in the morning!

an option for near eternity

Saw an interesting news magazine feature last night. There are some research groups that have developed the ability to relate brain scan patterns to what the subject is thinking. Apparently most, if not, all people have similar brain wave action when they think of a screwdriver. They can even deduce prior thoughts and future actions.

This in itself is not so shocking but it does bring to mind an option for life extensive beyond incrementalism that diet and good health can provide and even further extensions the holy grail of gene therapy could someday provide.

Here's the top level logic:

- peoples bodies naturally age and will continue to do so until gene and cell repair is doable which is just a matter of time but likely too far out for most of us to benefit from.

- the essence of a person is their memories, thought processes, intuition, reactions, behavior, mannerisms ...... perhaps the spiritual soul one hears about. In crude biological terms it's simply the synapse/neuron information contained in our gray matter. Much like the bits and bytes of a computer database and operating programs. The computer gets old but the programs and memory are in large part still functional, albeit with some file corruption sparsed here and there.

- it's conceivable to me that we are within a generation of being able to capture this information. It could be by brain scanning. It could be by decoding the cell-to-cell connections. It could be DNA deconstruction.....................

- once it's captured then a few options come to mind. Does the computer with the data become the person. Maybe, but doesn't sound like a fun life to me. Perhaps synthetic gray matter will be developed that can be built and/or programmed with the info and a robot body used as the host. Still sounds a bit cold.

- The most intriguing option is to clone a new version of the original person and reprogram their new brain. Kinda like loading the former operating system and databases to a new (and faster) computer. The cloning part is already possible.

- The further beauty of this process it that brain data could be periodically downloaded for any future retrieval. Again similar to daily or ongoing backup files. Multiple clones could be in waiting for use at anytime. No more fear of death for any reason. Backups are always available.

BTW. That file and memory corruption thing could also be taken care of through data freshening. Much like disk de-fragmentation and virus cleaners work.

Seem far fetched? Probably. However, if it should come to past in some form like this then a major downside would be the potential perpetuation of stupid!

2009

Some 2009 targets:

- 500
- 5000
- 165
- 100000
- 190
- 61

2008 revisited

2008 became the year of the dumbass. Some noteable examples:

- Subprime Lenders: Don't they teach financing 101 in ivy league b-schools? Walk into your local bank and slip a teller a note to hand over all her drawer cash and you'll go to jail. Issue millions of $ of high risk loans sending your multi-billion dollar financial serves company into bankruptcy and then collect hefty multi-million $ golden parachute for job well done.

- Detroit Auto: Capitialism created the industry. Socialism will try and save it. Dig out the corporate body bags - it just a matter of when.

- Opec and commodities speculators: The consumer woke up. Green is finally in vogue.

- Sports Un-Legends: the Rocket allegedly does juice, Mindy McCready and Congress; Burress Plaxico becomes spokesperson for the NRA; OJ = Karma. Money still can't buy a pennant.

- Politicians: Spitzer redefines hippocracy. McCain redefines out-of-touch. Palin redefines the low bar. Bush redefines regrets. Cheney redefines at any cost. Hillary redefines coat tails. Greenspan refines whoops. Joe the plumber redefines deafness.

2008 wasn't all about greed, political weakness and dumbasses. Some noteable postive standouts: Michael Phelps, Usain Bolt, Barack, Warren Buffet, 67 million voters who saw beyond, ...............

I(we) worked the hardest therefore I(we) deserve to.......

"get the promotion"; "win"; "get the girl"; "get into Harvard";..... Wrong, wrong and more wrong. Hard work does not guarantee success. Never has. Never will. Hard work is no doubt a potentially key element for achieving success but is by no means the only and is some times a detractor. Talent, luck, connections, political savvy, bribes, coercion, compromising pictures, drugs, strategic thinking and many more elements play a role in attaining success and are many times more relevant than hard work.

Putting in a lot of extra time at the office helps but if the time is not creating positive results then the time is wasted except for the show factor. BTW, the show factor does work with some bosses that appear to value effort over results. But why not put the extra time in but work smart the same time. That's a winning combination.

If hard work assured success then dirt farmers would all be wealthy and most stock brokers would be impoverished. Does the hardest working athlete always win the race? Almost never. Talent and genetics will win virtually every time. Do the hardest working students get the top grades and get into the best schools. Not always. Brains and/or having parents as heavy endowment donors are likely to be more important factors. Are lottery winners hard workers? As a whole, doubt it. Lucky maybe.

Should hard work be rewarded? In most cases yes. But end results are the true measure of ones efforts and, therefore, results are what should be rewarded beyond all else. So work hard AND smart, produce outstanding results and be rewarded.

human life to 1000 years and longer

Discovery Channel had an interesting segment on this weekend hosted by Michio Kaku a CCNY theoretical physicist. It was about cosmic time scales in general which documented the age of the earth at 4.5 billion years and the burnout of the sun at another 4.5 billion years. Meaning that the earth will have survived 9 billion years barring any unknown event lurking out in the vastness. For further reference the age of the universe is estimated at about 14 billion years - since the big bang and who knows what was going on before then. The point being that the human time scale is but a mere blip on the cosmic scale and likewise on the earth time scale.

Homo erectus has been around about 2 million years which seems like a long time but only a sneeze in the wind compared to the age of the earth. The average lifespan of people living in an industrialized country is just shy of 80 years. For other animals it seems that the smaller they are the shorter their life spans. For example mice only live 3-5 years. Dogs 8-15 years and so on. Their are some exceptions like the tortoise that can exceed 200 years. Interestingly animals larger than humans like horses and elephants only live 20-40 years or less than 1/2 of that of humans. Does our medical knowledge gain us a 50% advantage? Perhaps so, given that the average human lifespan just 50 years ago was less than 50 years and still is in the poorest areas of the world.

This last fact leads to the premise of the show. Apparently our cells are not meant to age. But they do because free radicals disrupt the DNA sequences and the cells no longer know what to do. If this damage could be delayed, reduced or perhaps even reversed lifespans could possibly have no limit.

Now the fun part. What if we could live to be a 1000 or more years old? First off, as mentioned this doesn't mean immortality. We could and would still die from accidents and other non aging events. But a potential life of over 10 times what is conceivable now is intriguing. Social and cultural institutions would change dramatically.

Some interesting questions: Would retirement exist? Does the human pair bond cycle every 20-30 years? Would we become more paranoid about accidental death? Would our impact on the earth become more urgent? BTW 1000 years represents about 30 generations so would the family structure alter? Family reunions would be huge. Would we continue to procreate for these 1000 years? If we could reverse aging, at what "equivalent" age would we select to spend 800-900 years? Imagine having the experience and presumed wisdom of a 200 year old in a 20 year old body?

What would life look like 500 years from now? Cars and autos have been around for less than 100 years. Computers less than 50 years. The internet less than 25 years. Ipods less than 2 years. What technologies are waiting for discovery?

Would genome customizing become available. If one lives 200 years as a 5'10" straight haired blond male could he have his genome changed to live the next 50 years as a 5' 5" curly haired brunette female? How about custom mutations. Once we understand how the DNA sequences work and the potentially ndless combinations that would be available could we purposedly mutate ourselves to any form and function. Recall a mouse genome is within 70-90% of the human genome. So mutating to some enhanced life form seems within reason, in perhaps a Frankenstein kind of way. Or why not be able to leap buildings with a single bound. Birds fly, why not a mutated human. The idea of X-men may not be so far fetched.

Sure would be fun to find out.

summer weekend late afternoons

I have gotten into a routine during the summers that is close to heaven on earth. At about 4 pm I don my cycling gear and head out for a 25 mile ride. The summer months in this mid atlantic state bordering a great lake to the north have late afternoon temperatures ranging from 70 to 85 and generally clear sunny skies. My route takes me over a rolling back country loop where traffic is thin and dogs too tired to chase. It's a tough route with several short out of the saddle power climbs and short 35 mph descents. I work up a good sweat and it gets the heart pumping.

For the last couple of years my exercise has pretty much dwindled down to the weekend days. The days of 300 mile weekly training logs with midweek and weekend races are likely over, although I always have that lingering thought of .........

The apres ride routine is just as relaxing. A 30 minute lounge in the front porch Adirondack chair guzzling a cold water bottle chatting with the woman over her retitement plans and deciding what we will do for dindin that evening.

It's now mid day Monday and I'm yearning for Saturday again.

a testimonial for Starbucks hot chocolate

I am more than happy to provide a postive testimonial for an outstanding product or service. Of course, I am also happy to provide a negative testimonial for a poor product or service.

Starbucks' hot chocolate is by far the best that I have come across. Wegman's is a close second and still on my favorite list but you have to make your own. The stuff they call hot chocolate at McDonalds and Dunkin Donuts shouldn't even be fed to your least favorite swine.

A venti sized Starbucks chocolate jo fires me up for 4 hours of jittery nerve am concentration and savory pallette wonderment.

another simple pleasure

Don't you love an infectious laugh. A road trip with the girls or a meal at a resturant or a spontaneous chat at home are all venues of continuous light hearted banter. Stories of people doing stupid people things. Reliving past faus pax's. Making fun of ourselves, family and friends. All three of my ladies have infectious laughs. It's a true joy having them on a roll.

a simple pleasure

I love the final serving from a large sized dried cereal box. You know that fine powdery dust that clings to the wax paper lining and hides in the box bottom crannies. There aren't many foods that truly compete with this product except perhaps Ben and Jer's Chocolate Chunky Supreme or StarBuk's venti sized hot chocolate with the real cream topping.

Days can not possibly start off better than with a bowl of Cheerios or Chex covered with a fine oak or corn flour dust that makes a delightful mushy paste when mixed with ice cold milk. Forget the berries and raisins on this serving as they only detract from the unique pasty flavor.

One quickly learns that the only way to get to this wonder food is to pull the paper liner from the box and gently shake the clinging product into the bowl. I'll sometimes have a second serving just to get to this long awaited culinary delight. Not many things twist my roids more than someone getting to the box before me and denying me the pleasure of one of manmades best palette pleasers. Hiding the box until the next breakfast has been the modus operanti for years.

Why not just smash the cereal with a big hammer and create the fine cereal dust? Just not the same and only a true dried cereal dust lover would understand.

can we survive incumbency

The mid term elections are upon us. Some things to consider:

- over 2500 US soldiers have died in Iraq so far
- over 25,000 US soldiers have been maimed in Iraq
- somewhere between 50,000 and 650,000 Iraqies have been killed in Iraq
- the 2 original principal reasons for the Iraqi war are proven to be unfounded (WMD and connections to Osama)
- many questioners of the war and/or it's execution have been displaced or ridiculed(Powell, Shinseki, White(Army Chief of Staff))
- the leading proponents for the war have been promoted or awarded or are still in office(Bremmer, Wolfowitz, Tenet, Rice, Cheney, Bush)
- Afghanistan is now the largest producer and exporter of opium in the world
- the Taliban is making a comeback
- the latest terror cells found in the US and Europe have been manned by local nationals
- North Korea has nukes and the finger on the button is attached to the hand of an unstable dictator
- Iran will soon have nukes and a religious fanatic leads the effort
- Osama is still uncaptured
- 2 of the 4 world's largest religions are in a global jihad
- the "democracy" in Palestine elects Hamas
- the current reason for the Iraqi war is also proven wrong - creating a safer place for Americans
- anyone with a US passport is unsafe in over half of the world
- Lobbyist Abramhoff on a first name basis at the White House
- Congressman Foley(R) admitted child predator and not outed for over 6 years
- Congression Cunningham (R)outed for millions of $ in bribes
- Congression Ney (R) outed for Abramoff scandal
- Congressman Jefferson (D) caught with alleged bribery cache
- Congressman McKinney (D) whips up on a House security guard for doing his job
- Congress votes to build a wall along the US/Mexican border. Why not go after the reasons for Mexicans wanting to cross the border?
- 46.6 million Americans can't afford health insurance
- federal spending is at records levels with the executive and legislative branches under control of the supposedly fiscally responsible Republicans
- New Orleans has a population less than half that of pre Katrina
- the president and congress intervene in the Terry Schiavio case
- apparently the president doesn't care to follow the Geneva Convention humanitarian treatment of prisioners - shouldn't the only super power nation take the high ground on ethics and human rights issues?
- PA legislature votes for huge pay raise in the early morning hours without public debate
- Congressman English (R, PA) reneges on a term limit promise made during his first term election ................
- Senator Santorum (R, PA) cyber school bill costs his "hometown" over $60,000. Why aren't public schools ok for a US senator?
- Both English and Santorum resort to negative compaign ads and smear tactics

Can we afford the current leadership?!!

Grandpa's hand

Callused and coarse from decades of milking his herd his hand would reach back as I approaced from behind. My stretched reach would find his and they would become one. Although he had much to do his pace would slow to match mine. In later years the hand would become stiff and sore, but the bond never waned. A child's memories remain lucid even decades and a death after the walk.

Another Milestone on the Journey of Life - My First Root Canal

Last week at 3:14am I woke up with a throb in my rear left, bottom molar. During the day not too bad. The next night at 2:16am another celtic dance nerve party. The following day a throb that would incapacitate most mortals. Late Friday afternoon a date with the dentist. I got to the dentist's office 45 minutes early! On purpose. Ready for some immediate relief.

They promptly laid me down on the examining table and then had me wait the full 45 minutes with every heart beat sending my afflicted tooth nerves into a high pitch frenzy. Finally the doc shows up. He wanted to verify which tooth was the culprit by banging on it with a metal rod. Hello idiot. I've lived with this dental alien for 3 days so I should know which ivory needs to be attended to. Post haste. He banged anyhow and created a scream heard throughout the county.

His prognosis, a cracked tooth with a likely abscess. The options: yank it or root canal. That's like beat me in the head with an icepick or ballpeened hammer - some choice. I opted for the root canal because the extraction sounded more painful. Besides, I'm not ready for one of those hillbilly grammy gaps.

Little did I know that the real fun was about to begin. First the x-rays. The assistant was fresh out of the local dental training program. She couldn't get the hold my mouth open gizmo located in my mouth to her satisfaction and kept asking me to bit down on the handle. Yup, I got a tooth that would craze Godzilla and she wants me to bit down on a hard object. Next she couldn't get the x-ray lens close enough to my jaw. In the process she banged my jaw with the sore fang at least a dozen times. Finally I asked if I could simply move my head to the machine instead. BTW, all this happens before the sweet magic of novacane.

Next the drilling. Not too bad. Next the needle punch. Apparently the process is to drill to the very tip of the tooth roots, but not quite through. The through part is left to a thin needle that is used to punch through into the jaw where many more nerves reside. Well let me say that the magic of novacane hadn't prepared me for this new set of screaming nerves. The first root was a surprise and it was over before I knew what had happened. Well almost. But I had a second root and I had wised up to what as about to happen again. I soon realized that waiting for pain is much worse than the actual pain. Root number 2 took forever to punch through. Finally done.

Paid the $900 tab. Apparently, BMW payment was due. Went home and waited for the novacane to wear off, which happened all too soon.

Da Vinci Code

Saw this flick a few days ago. I have to admit that the professional critics got this one right. Entertaining with an interesting storyline. But overall, kinda boring. I and apparently 2 blind Austrailian outback aboriginies are the only 3 people left on earth that have not yet read the book. Anyhow, the movie was no better or worse than 100's of other adventure thrillers made and lost in the great panavision archives.

Regardless of the movie's entertainment value, what are the right wing Christians up in arms about? How could anyone think this was a spiritual wedgy on current Christian dogma. Get a grip folks, this is a movie not a scientific documentary.

BTW, how did Leonardo come to know the secrets. He only painted the Last Supper several hundred years after the alleged meal. And that "M" thing. Holy crap it could have been a "V" and meant that the vino had soured.

I on the otherhand would find it rather intriguing that someone like Jesus might have been human enough to have a wife and an offspring or two.

quiet winds

Some of life's aphrodisiacs:

- 80 degrees, quiet early summer air and a clear blue sky with a few scattered cumulus clouds
- serenading whipperwills
- a late afternoon training ride on carless back roads
- a freshly mowed lawn
- a freshly hayed field
- Venti sized Starbucks hot chocolate with the whipped cream while on a road trip
- the 10 mile bridge run on an early am in Colebrook
- mid summer, early evening, takeout dinner with family at the pond
- family ponies in the late afternoon grazing in the pasture
- fresh snow
- a pat on the back
- a tough 1 hour workout
- polished black foreign sports car
- OBX with the family
- Christmas eve lights drive
- dinner with the girls
- spring leaves
- hotel room with a king and chilled wine
- long weekend
- thought provoking movie
- 6 pack abs
- laughter
- 70's music
- underdog win
- well fitting jeans
- cowboy boots
- pets
- new car smell
- UPS delivery
- new book
- Sunday paper
- powdered sugar donut holes
- cow chewing its cud
- doe and fawns under the apple tree
- Munich Oktoberfest
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when boys were men and skiis were wood

Yesterday, the day before the official start of fishing season, 1000's of farm raised trout were released into the favorite fishing holes of this wannabee wildlife state. Today, the official start of fishing season, 1000's of juiced up Daniel Boone wannabees stand shoulder-to-shoulder with carbon rods, reels of nylon and baited bobbers trying to lure yesterday's release. WTF!

I bet aquarium fishing becomes an Olympic sport.

It just makes you scratch your head and shout WTF!

- Why do car driving smokers crack the window while smoking?
- Why do people order the fat dripping kalbasa and supersize fries with a diet coke?
- Why do baldies do an ear-to-ear comb over with 9 12" hairs?
- Why are men with man-boobs not arrested for indecent exposure for going topless in public?
- Why are women without boobs arrested for decent exposure for going topless in public?
- Why doesn't the men's room have a sofa?
- How come men don't get to have a time of the month?
- Why would anyone willingly eat boiled cabbage?
- How come teenagers are so smart?
- Why do women who dress to the nines become offended if they are hit on?
- Why do men who dress to the nines become offended if they aren't hit on?
- Why do teenage boys dress like street alley beggars with more underwear than common sense?
- Why does our government subsidize tobacco and alchol and outlaw all other feel good drugs?
- Why are the income tax laws so complex they require a CPA and three Philadelphia tax attorneys to have an 80% chance of getting the 1040EZ form approved without an IRS audit?
- Why are there over 1,000,000 lawyers in the US and only 2,000,000 engineers?
- Why does our right to bear arms exclude surface-to-air missiles, rocket launchers, and Apache attack helicopters?
- Why does our right to bear arms include assault rifles, mace, and M50 rifles?
- Why do $100,000 RV's tow a second vehicle?
- Why would someone with nail bed fungus take a cure that puts their liver in jeopardy?
- Why is there a golf channel?

the pathetically clueless

What does one have to do to make it on the "pathetically clueless" list? Here's a few starters.

- toss a butt out the window of your car.....you have yellow teeth.....the car reeks of smoke.......your breath would knock a camel down.......but you can't stomach putting the butt in the ashtray
- toss a butt on the sidewalk and give it a good foot twist to grind the dark deep ash into the concrete.......real attractive
- toss a butt anywhere but in the ashtray
- wear a bumper sticker that says my kid made the honor role.....BTW, absolutely no one cares
- circle the parking lot 13 times looking for a spot closer to the door
- park between the only 2 cars in the lot.....if you're that lonely and need human contact......visit Manhattan and ride the subways at rush hour
- park next to my car..........the only other car in the lot
- park in the handicapped spot..........even if you're handicapped
- leave your grocery cart in the middle of the isle to read the label on the Campbells tomato soup can
- leave your grocery cart in the middle of the parking lot...next to my car...on a slope...in the wind
- run a red light......you're as likely to be deep-sixed as the poor fool you hit
- pass school bus while it's lights are flashing.......your kids might be on that bus
- pass a semi on the right
- sell cars for a living........never met one that I liked
- sell insurance for a living......
- work for the IRS.........if the tax system was simple and direct these drolls would be out of jobs and off the public payroll
- tailgate.......has anyone ever sped up because they were being tailgated
- let your kids loose in the store, resturant, ....
- talk on your cell phone on an airplane, in a bus, on the subway, ....
- write Dear Abby........for real
- internet date.......for real
- watch Survivor, Amazing Race, American Idol, Who Wants to be a Millionare, ....
- send me religous propaganda....of any kind
- send me political propaganda....of any kind
- wear your religion on your sleeve.....don't you trust your faith?
- whine about the weather.......like it's better in the Amazon and the Artic
- whine about the traffic......like you're not contributing to it
- whine about your job.......if you call it your job then it's a job and it won't be any fun by definition
- in fact, whine about anything
- state that you work very hard.........who doesn't in their own mind
- rubberneck at an accident............do you think that will save the victims
- ask for a tip for a service already paid for........charge the market rate
- perpetuate rumors.......scum
- gossip.......more scum
- start gossip.......worst than scum
- ambulance chasing lawyers......who advertize on billboards and TV
- sit next to me and my date in an 1/2 empty theater
- talk during a movie
- get to the movie 10 minutes after the trailers have ended
- hum or whistle in public.........it ain't cool
- talk about your personal finances......no matter how bad or good they are
- brag about your kids......no matter how bad or good they are
- condemn drugs but chain smoke cigs and swill alkie
- wish for the good old days.........like when caves were the new suburbia and the sabertooth was to be feared
- claim to be old fashioned.........like having a desire to do the laundry on a wash board and salt the meat
- proclaim God Bless America..........what's wrong with the rest of the universe
- don't understand today's kids.........were you understood as a kid
- watch golf on TV.........it's boring enough playing the game
- whine about being abused.........it's turning out that everybody was abused
- let the pets run your life
- put the vet's phone number on speed dial ahead of your doctor's number....and mine
- pay 2 dollars for a 10oz bottle of water and whine about the cost of gas.....and beer
- order Sam Adams beer thinking it's a fine microbrew
- order Budweiser thinking it's a beer
- a priest taking a vow of celibacy and abusing kids of the flock....if they truly believed, then offer them an option of being neutered

Olive Garden Disappoints

One could only hope that after a bad, bad cimematic experience that the dinner could save the evening. Not to be.

As a preface, the local Olive Garden has been a favorite feeding spot for me and family and even a few business meals over the years. In most cases the experience has been good. Last night was BAD.

Let's walk through the ordeal. First the parking was excellent with a spot very near the entrance door. Warm greeting by hostesses. No wait and a quick walk to non-smoking section. Planted right next to table with two large gals who had apparently arrived just before us. We might have just as well been seated at the same table. We walked right by a couple of more private booths but we must have looked like we wanted dining company. I ordinarily would have requested a nore private table but opted out this evening. We were seated and waitor was soon upon us. After a brief chat we ordered drinks and our meals. The salad showed up, what there was of it. Olive Garden serves their salads in a large bowl and the diners serve themselves from it. We must not have very looked hungry because our bowl wouldn't have fed a pigmy couple. Still no drinks. The breadsticks arrive. I love Olive Garden's breadsticks. I used to love Olive Garden's breadsticks. The four we got were cold, and had dried out on the ends. The drinks finally arrive. I had a direct view to the bar from my chair and there were no patrons in the bar so I am clueless why a Corona and red wine would take 15 minutes to serve. It got worse. No glass for the beer. Now this will seem very picky to most people but I like my beer in a glass, preferrably in a frosted glass even if the brew is already in a cold bottle. Not to be. BTW, I have rarely been in a resturant where they will serve the second beer in a new frosted glass even though the first one was frosted. Do the servers and proprietors think only the first serving needs all the frivilities. Apparently I looked like a college frat hack who will gladly take their swill directly from the keg spout this evening. In the meantime the waitor is back to inform my date that the meal she ordered couldn't have the chicken portion because they were out. How can a resturant be out of chicken on a Saturday evening at 9:00! She asked him to just add more beef. The meals eventually arrive and it turns out that the shish ca bobs she ordered were not shewered because they also ran out of shewers. WTF. Five minutes later her side vegetable arrived after she's well into her meal. I had the spagetti with sausage. The sausage was good, but the spagetti was already drying out on the edges of the plate. By this time I realize why we were seated next to Dawn and Donna. The other sections were already empty and the staff was cleaning them up. Apparently it is more important that the resturant be promptly readied for the next day than for today's diners to have a quiet spot to enjoy their dining.

I pay Jason and give him an overly generous tip for the service. Actually any tip would have been overly generous. Now one could put all the blame on Jason and he certainly deserves a good share. But the managemet owns most of it. They should not allow dried bread sticks. They should not tolerate depleted inventories. They own the quality of the full experience.

On a "I will definitely go back" to "I gotta barf" scale of 10 to 1 this experience was a 4. It will be awhile before you see me at the Olive Garden again. Oh, Jason get another job you suck at waiting.

Firewall Flop

Two movies in two weeks!! Holy cimematic freakout Robin. After the Brokeback experience my longing for widescreen entertainment drew me and my date to a more traditional movie storyline. What a disappointment.

I wasn't into this flop 10 minutes and I was starting the let's blow this joint countdown. This was soooooooooooo boooooooooooring and so like 100's of other hero action storylines. Let's recap. Hero action dude and family get's put into situation where action dude must save himself, his family and the world(in this case some money)from master villain and villain helper dudes. Hero dude tries various attempts of twarting the bad act and ends up getting son nearly dead and a villain helper shot by master villain. Of course, in today's digital world there's the need for banks of computers, an unimpregnable security system, hence the name firewall, and obviously a way around the umimpregnable. There was absolutely nothing new or stimualting in this flick. Let's see we had the usual near escape by the family and the recapture just as they we starting the car. Wow, so original. Then we have the action hero stumbling across all the right clues and a helper to put the villian on the defense. Then we had the family pooch wearing a GPS collar so action hero can find villains and family. And to top it off and played out so many times the action hero goes fist to fist with master villian. After a few broken windows, tables and walls action hero happens upon a pick and ends the villian dude. The only cliche not played was the final resurrection of the villain with the pick in his back to taunt the hero or family member one last time before we're all put out of our misery.

Man, this thing was bad. In the wise words of my oldest daughter that's two hours of my life that I'll never get back.

Brokeback Moment

I don't see many movies on the big screen but Brokeback Mountain dug it's claws into my sensibilities and won't let go. I don't pay much heed to professional movie critics as art is pure subjectivity and a critic is merely providing their opinion from their own context and prejudices and happen to get paid for it. My simple gage of a movie is how quickly the two hours passes, whether I merge with the characters, and to the degree that the movie haunts me afterwards. Well, score 10 on all 3 accounts. I didn't want it to end. I felt a deep connection with all three of the main characters and I can't stop thinking about it.

BTW. My sexual orientation runs as straight as a Kansas highway.

This is not a gay cowboy flick. Think Love Story between 2 people who happen to be Wyoming cowboys and not Boston preppies. Think Romeo and Juliet in a 1960's western setting riding horses, herding sheep and speaking in western drawl rather than Shakespearean English. This is a movie of human passion. It's a depiction of a raw deep connection between two humans in an environment of social and emotional conflicts and taboos. This movie hurts and fulfills on so many levels. One feels depressed at the ending but soon realizes that the characters experienced something to be cherished forever. I doubt many will ever be so fortunate to feel something as strong as this in their lives but I would argue that one hasn't truly lived unless they do.

To shun or be afraid of this story line is a lost opportunity of witnessing one of life's true passions play out in the cinematic art form.

Part 2: You might be a real Vermonter if

- your 1st power tool was a 30cc chain saw.
- your 2nd power tool was an ice auger.
- your 3rd power tool was an electric beer cooler.
- driving lessons were bull raking hay after school in the 1st grade.
- your wife drives your pickup more than you do.
- your wife can out arm wrestle you and all your male cousins. At once.
- your wife has more hand calluses. Than you. And your cousins. All together.
- you have more teeth than your wife, although yours are removable.
- pro-choice is drinking the beer of your choice.
- pro-life is Sunday morning after a Saturday night at the county fair.
- women's liberation is getting your pickup back.
- social security is a barn full of hay and a silo topped off.
- medicare is a care package with bag balm, horse liniment and ace bandages.
- subsidies are 5 cent returnable bottles.
- tax reform is for idiots that pay taxes.
- national security is a 30-06.
- border patrol is a 30-06, 3x scope and a stocked beer cooler.
- inhuman treatment of animals is an empty meat locker.
- kindergarten was cleaning manure gutters, feeding calves and getting down hay.
- sex education was a guy with an oversized plastic glove, 2 foot reach and a long glass rod.
- your family pets included a mad rooster, kid killing gander, a pair of roof perched guinea hens and a car chasing mangy cow dog.
- a Sunday country ride included equine.
- a snow day meant a long walk in tall boots.
- a mud day meant a day off.
- a hay day was a long day.
- a sugaring day was a longer day.
- a power outage meant hand cramps and mastitis.
- the world doesn't exist west of the Ausable Chasm, south of the Flume in Franconia Notch, east of Mount Washington, and north of Sherbrooke, Quebec.
- education reform is a bigger stick.
- college prep was 4-H animal husbandry.
- sand lot baseball was a freshly hayed field and 10 siblings.
- a morning jog included 60 head with bloated bags, bull thistles, and fresh lane pies.
- an afternoon workout included 200 75 lb overhead hay bale tosses.

You might be a real Vermonter if

- you plug in your engine block heater before your morning jo.
- your swimming pool brook trout ate the rubber duckies and the neighbor's cat.
- you really did walk to school in 2 feet of snow. Really.
- your "come bosssssssss" can be heard across two valleys and fill a barn before sunrise.
- your new boots are waterproofed with genuine fresh steaming cow shit.
- your fondest per-adolescent teats hung from a Jersey.
- your tractor is green with a hand clutch and has a 2 cylinder putt-putt deeper than any Harley Davidson.
- you enjoy 4 of the 5 seasons - summer, leaf peeping, hunting, skiing, and love the 5th - mud.
- you find the smell of a fresh manured hay field better than all the numbers of Chanel.
- you made half your summer wages as a kid driving tractors during the county fair cavalcade.
- your normal work day starts at 5am and ends at breakfast.
- your hand calluses are tougher than an old wire brush and not nearly as soft.
- you use your turn signals sparingly because you know where you're going.
- you define fine gourmet dining by what's new at the county fair.
- you lobby the international Olympic committee to make horse pulling an Olympic sport.
- you save the -30 degree days for ice fishing. You do lots of ice fishing.
- you contributed 3 months beer allowance to the Fred Tuttle for US Congress fund.
- you use your neighbors pink lawn swans for target practice.
- you make extra money water witching for flatlanders.
- knowing Ames was the original Walmart.
- you had a farmers tan in the 1st grade at age 6 and Popeye forearms in the 3rd grade at age 12.
- you were weaned on Black Label beer.
- your pickup is worth more than your house.
- your snowmobile is worth more than your pickup.
- your ice fishing shanty is worth more than your snowmobile.
- your gun collection is worth more than your fishing shanty.
- your pocketknife is your best friend.
- your next best friend doesn't dare borrow your pocketknife.
- your next best friend is welcome to borrow your truck, snowmobile and wife.
- your axe is double bitted and has an elmwood handle with your favorite Jersey's initials carved in it.
- you have 3 years of wood cut, stacked and seasoned. And years 4 and 5 on the ground.
- you found your wife at the weekend auction bidding against you for the used farrier's anvil.
- your yearly fireworks display is the January chimney fire.
- your favorite chair and prized tools were found at the town dump.
- dump day is the Vermont sabbath.
- post graduate work is shop class.
- you decreed town meeting day a national holiday.
- fancy grade refers to canned beer and maple syrup.
- knowing Vermont was the 14th original colony and claimed rights to half of present day NY and NH and are now damn glad you gave them up.
- your great, great, great, grandfather voted for Ethan Allen for president.
- you eat dinner at noon and supper at 5.
- your milk is straight from the pail.
- your bacon is hanging in the wood shed.
- your eggs are straight from the old hen roost.
- your last 2 deer took 3 flashlight batteries and a salt lick to bag.
- summer camp requires down jackets and a ream of black fly netting.
- bag balm is used for jock itch.
- horse hoof liniment is used for your toenail fungus.
- milkweed pod milk is used to clear your warts.
- your root cellar has sprouted potatoes from 3 years back and wilted carrots from the great depression.

billboard face shots

Would you purchase a house from a realtor that had their greater than lifesize face shot plastered on their foresale realty sign? Me neither. How about an insurance policy from a State Farm agent with their powdered nose on an oversized billboard? Nope, nada, no f'ing way. Then the ambulance chasing foursome of Gorge, Rape, Pillage and Pilfer, LLP peddling their legal wares to skewer your insurance company and causing all our premium rates to inflate. What arrogant idiots. Car dealership owners are some of the worse and ugliest. Why would I do business with a billboard droll for buying a car. We have the internet for squeezing the sleeze bags out of their high profits and fake invoice pricing. The south has the billboard preachers with their glistening combovers. Soul savers making themselves bigger than the originating prophets.

Now the Victoria Secrets' gals parading around in their just barely underwear selling their corporate products is for certain pleasant eye candy. We ain't looking at their faces anyway so it doesn't really count.

Loretta, what are you thinking

There's a chain of Loretta Lynn Kitcken's in the south that has lowered the bar for stomach raunch. On a northeast bound road trip and a weary stopover in eastern TN we should happen upon an exit catering to transient truckers and some of America's finest road warriors. The dining selection was like every other interstate exit in the northwestern hemisphere. McCraps, Arbites, Burger KlingOns, Pizza Puke, Taco Belch, Cracker Barf, IToss ..... You get the picture. To be different we opted for the presumably native fare by venturing to Loretta Lynn's Kitchen. What could possibly be disappointing with a brand moniker of one of America's most beloved country songbirds. Plus, the front facade was genuine artificial quaint appalachian clapboard. Well the first amonous sign was the single, and I emphasize single, patron seated by itself in a large dining room on a Friday evening at the peak dinner hour. This patron, undoubltly a trucker, had a gut paunch the size of Rhode Island, a road stare that only years of sniffing diesel fuel could possibly induce and an appetite that every southern wild bog boar would envy. The 2nd sign was the southern growl from bitch woman ordering us to plant ourselves at an open table. Then it gets interesting. BTW, trucker boy is still staring at us like we're ET's 1st cousins. I wasn't sure if I would need to protect my accompanying female companions or my own tight little butt. We soon had the menu choice to make. The 9.99 buffet was suggested by our underaged, overdressed but charming school girl waitress. So we opt for the all you can eat special. It has now been 12 hours since our diet mountain dew breakfast so the hunger pangs are strong and obviously clouding our judgement. We venture to the buffet spread and the real fun begins. The fried mystery looks wholesome with 1/2" thick crusts hiddening whatever lurks beneath. I quickly passed. The pulled pork is at least unbattered but it obviously has been laying in wait for at least a week if not longer and who knows what sauce it was stewing in. Next to it waits something that looks like barbequed ribs. Must have been some damn thin pig because the meat to bone ratio was heavy on the bone. The corn kernels appeared to be fully saturated with water and were as gummy looking as wallpaper paste. The oversized green beans looked no better, except the pie sized seeds poking through the skins. The bread rolls actually looked ok but like a true Americanized delicacy had been sopped in butter or pig lard. The mashed potatoes for sure had been poured from a can and had that crusty skin protecting the underbelly. The pickled beets were a deep violet and smiling at me. We cautiously loaded our plates. Back at the table the stainless fork was mangled so bad I had to straighten the tines out before it was safe to insert into my food shute. This was not a problem because this was the thinest gauge stainless I have ever seen. It was bending just from my glare. It soon became apparent that this southern country fare was not going to make it to my gullet. To top it off the diet coke had a distinctive chlorine hangover. So I'm sure the plastic glass was thoroughly disinfected as well has my stomach lining. Trucker boy had rolled himself out by now and was probably casing out our motel room.

The decor was pleasantly interesting. Pictures of past and present country and western performers were hang everywhere with what appeared to be real imitation autographs. I bet none of them high brows chowed at one of these joints more than once.

So if you should ever find yourself in a hoooowdieee state with a growling gut make sure to pay Loretta's a visit. Oh, and pack a lunch beforehand.

Perfection can not be improved

This is such a simple concept yet it is violated continuously by corporate marketing idiots. Take for example, Chips Ahoy cookies. The original Chips Ahoy's are sheer perfection. The designers stumbled across a divine combination of just the right mix of small dark chocolate chips captured in a crispy, but not too hard cookie batter blend. Even the size is perfection with 3 manly chomps and it's gone and you're onto the next one. Then the unthinkable. Out comes a soft version. And then a version with M&M's. WTF. Who wants a soft cookie. That's cake. Are they targeting ivoryless geriatrics and former hockey players that need to gum their food? Why add extraneous ingredients. M&M's by themselves are near perfection directly from the bag. Mixing one perfection with another perfection does not enhance perfection. You simply negate all that was perfect and end up with warm stinking dog dung. In case you wonder, dog shiat is not perfection, not even to a dung beetle. It stinks like crap and sticks too easily to my waffle treads. Let me repeat. Perfection can not be improved.

The list goes on. Original Oreos are perfect. Nobody wants double stuffing so why offer it. And what's with Hydrox cookies. I ain't eating nothing that sounds like some inorganic synthetic conjoured up by Dupont's sickest chemists. Fig newtons another perfection. Nobody wants cran or apple newtons, only figs. Cheerios. Drop the honey glaze. Beer. Stop serving that diluted horse piss labeled "lite" or "light". Friar Tuck has been tossing in his drunken grave since the late 70's when this sorry excuse for manhood brew hit the NFL half time shows. Lite beer is for girly men and washing my underwear. Hersey's kisses. Who decided that adding an almond made sense. Chocolate and peanut butter. Again two perfections mixed making warm cat shiat look attractive. And what's with white chocolate? Chocolate is brown! Even the name sounds brown and cocoa beans are brown. Not white. There should be no confusion on this point. Porsche and SUV. What a stupid idea. A Porsche is for blasting the twisties at 110 mph and for attracting arm candy. A Porsche is not for soccer moms and snot-nosed kids with suburban attitudes.

Now admittedly some products are in desparate need of improvement. Brussel sprouts come to mind. Why would anyone willingly put something that smells so bad into their mouth? Expect possibly a dung beetle. Or I suppose the cortex dead that also consume boiled cabbage and tapioca pudding. How do these drolls keep from tossing their stomach poo. Same for poached eggs. Cook the damn things. Eggs are not supposed to run. Anywhere.

Time to end this rant. My perfection needs a little primping.

Another Player Bigger Than the Game

Well, I hate to join the T.O. deserves this sh*t bangwagon but another athlete dives headlong into the oblivion spiral. But I gotta get my dig in. T. O. of the Eagles has lost his job. He apparently never bought into the team concept and he got booted. An ego run amuck. Bigger than the game. He's now spoiled goods. Do the fans care? Doubt it. Talk radio will have a field day! Bring on the next one. There's never a shortage of idiots and divine wannabees from any venue of life.

why aren't fax machines next to the buggy whip

I ordered cable modem service for my office and had to sign a 10 page contract basically stating that I would keep it for 2 years or more. I don't believe I promised sexual favors to the salesman. No idea on why it took 10 pages of legal gibberish, but I suppose lawyers have to eat. Anyhow, the sales idiot wanted to fax me the contract so I could sign it and fax it back to him. Time out idiot! I don't have a fax machine because I went paperless when the century rolled into the 21st. I then reminded the modern Neatherthal that his supposedly high tech company should also be paperless. They do promote the sale of their cable modem for highspeed internet access. Why not email me the contract and I'll email a signed version back. Is that so high tech?

Why do fax machines still exist? Do their users not understand the digital age with electronic communications. Paper should be saved for the John Crapper throne room.

chaotic moments

Ever take a broad view look at human sports and see how chaotic their creation has seemingly been. Why do they tend to be ideally suited for the fringes of the species? The average basketball bling bling whiner is a foot and a half taller than the average fan. The average foolsball player is 100 lbs heavier than an average fan and we're a country of soft obese people. What's the purpose of neckless highbrow giants whomping each other to move an ellipical inflated pigskin covered ball down a 100 yard flat plastic carpeted field? How about bowling. Who had the time to randomly come up with an activity centered around a hard plastic ball being tossed down a hardwood lane to knock down 10 wooden pins shaped like belly dancers? And who devised the scoring, a frustrated high school math teacher? What's with soccer and the rule not allowing the use of hands and arms. Was the first game between armless tribesmen in northern Europe. Some sports just plain make sense like running, swimming, and jumping. Evolutionary survival required and some inner cities and bog hollows still require these skills. But tennis, golf, badmitten, volleyball, speed walking, racketball, cricket and of course America's favorite past time have no connection to survival what so ever. Where in nature does one need the split second reaction to hit a little white ball that another idiot just hurdled at you at 90 mph 60 feet away. And what explains the viewer obsession. A tiny fraction of the 6 billion humanoids ever play these games yet some create revenue exceeding the GNP of 95% of the world's countries. What value to the advancement to mankind does these activities create? Do owners, players and fans go to their graves feeling fulfilled having participated in a no value added activity for, in many cases, most of their lives.

I propose a sport that's ideally suited for middle aged, balding fat people with a two beer IQ. Damn, it's already been done - Nascar.

A Christmas Story

How did we go from mirth, frankincense, and a little gold to a family room of guttony built from at least 3 months of multiple state shopping binges.

Darrell goes hunting

The game of hunting is upon us. Let's take a look at the team rosters.

On the high brow side we have Darrell and his best friend Darrell. The weekend wonderkins are packing semi-automatic AK-47'S with 30 round clips with the anti-jam option. A high powered, variable focus 3x-20x scope mounted to each. One never knows if the widow in the neighboring trailer might be taking a shower. Three weekends at the local range has these annihilaters tuned in for 300 yard kill shots compensated for a 3 beer buzz. Camo blaze orange from toe to bonnet. Camoflauged orange, WTF, that works. Doe piss for activating the buck pheromones. It reportedly has the same effect on middle aged hairy men libidos. Just in case, everyone is packing a 10 day supply of the little blue pills tucked safely in the soft leather belt pouch. A 10" stainless hardened steel buck stabber with a seratted edge for ripping warm bellies is neatly strapped to the right calf - true Rambo style. Anti-human smell potion freshly misted on. Ya right, if that stuff really worked every wife and girlfriend in America would be stocking a case of this mystery elixir. Two-way, crackling walkie talkies are fired up for reliving the blonde jokes. Battery powered thermal underwear with the undersized weiner flap is zipped up tight. Military grade GPS locators and a 5 dollar compass for the direction challenged are part of the arsenal. NASA reflective body wrap for a night in the woods is tucked away next to the little blue pills. Ya right, these boys won't get anymore than a 100 yards from the camp and the beer cooler. For the real rough necks with the ape hair backs a tree stand with a portable HDTV plasma flat screen with a Direct TV hookup awaits.

On the game side we have a wise old buck who knows that it's time to take a two week hike to the deep woods. Any distance more than a quarter mile from the road and camp will be all the protection needed for this annual Darrell fest.

basketbrawl, bring it on

I believe my ideas are starting to catch on in pro sports. A major brawl took place at an inconsequential NBA game yesterday. Inconsequential because who really cares about mutated giant humanoid tattoed freaks running up and down a hardwood court lobing a beach ball into a netted hoop. Remember this is mutation entertainment with the same viewer appeal as web porn surfing. But this incident has my attention for a fleeting moment. There apparently was some real fist-in-your-face fan-player interaction. A few liquid ladened cups thrown onto the court followed by a few players charging into the stands. Now that is getting the crowd into the game. I think they maybe onto something here. Why not make the game interactive between the players on the court and the fans in the stands other than the usual verbal abuse going each way. Hearing "I'm doing your grandmomma" gets a bit boring after awhile. Besides everyone's done your grandmomma and she ain't that good. Certainly would increase viewer appeal. I might even tune in for a few minutes. Why should the physical part of the GAME be limited to the human mutations and a trip or two to the urinal in the men's room. Get everyone into the game. Bring it on.

Of course, the usually OMG's from the league officials, owners and new born evangelists. "This will ruin the game." "This can't be tolerated." "Evict the barbarians." "Throw the hoodlums into the Bubba bin." "Check testosterone levels at the gate." "10 beer limit." Idiots crying in public but snickering at the board meetings.

I gotta go git me a beer. I need to throw somethng.

another foolsball incident

ABC must have read my previous blog on the idea of juicing up the aura around foolsball. Apparently before the Monday night game they aired a clip promoting their new show, Desparate Housewives, by showing a naked babe jumpimg into the arms of a player. Of course, to the chagrin of every hot blooded male in America, doped up on Levitra the babe was only shown from the waist up and from the rear. But the new minority morality quickly showed their new found mandate. ABC got the calls for indecency and of course our choir boy FCC head has gone on record as being "disappointed" for the lack of judgement by ABC. Interestingly, he hasn't said anything about the show this clip was promoting. But get this, one of the coaches spewed a couple of brain burps. First, he found the clip racially offensive. WTF. A white, blond babe seductively jumping into the arms of a black athlete. Wow, that's got a multitude of stereotypes working for it. I wonder which one pulled his ultra sensitive hair trigger insult meter. Shouldn't the blondes be speaking up. How about Caucasian, Hispanic and other race athletes - seems like they've all been slighted. Second, he was aghast that a foolsball player was being portrayed as someone who might, for an instant, think of something other than the GAME. WAAAAAAP. WAAAAAAP. That was a double reality check biatch slap. Butt boys, let me repeat myself. IT'S ONLY A GAME. YOU'RE ENTERTAINMENT. NOTHING MORE AND MANY TIMES LESS. IT'S EITHER WATCHING YOU BEAT EACH OTHER'S ASSES SILLY OR VISITING A WWW PORN SITE. FACE REALTY. The reaction is perpetuating a stereotype that crosses gender, babe hair color, genitalia size and racial boundaries. Just more evidence that juiced up jocks and dense synapse connections don't cohabitate.

Two things for sure. I'll be watching the next Monday Night pregame show and tuning in for Desparate Housewives. Of course, only after I gitta cold beer.

smackdown football - now we're excited

This past weekend 2 players from opposing rust belt pro teams got into it during pregame warmups. Resulted in both being suspended from the game before it even started and fined 10 grand. Like 10 grand means anything to the bling bling boys. I don't get it. These guys ought to get a bonus check and a night with the chearleader of their wife's choice. The irony in this over reaction is multi-fold. First, within a 1/2 hour of the "incident" 22 members of these same teams were brawling on the field each trying to move an inflated pigskin into one of two happy zones, all while inflicting permanent brain damage, torn cartlidge, blown out knees, miles of abraded skin, and 100's of deep tissue contusions onto each other without a hint of remorse, except possibly the rat deal their agent got for them. All in front of millions of sh*tfaced, blood smelling fans hung over from the tailgate fest. Of course, the key tactical element of each play is designed to knock each other silly so the network can run a 2 minute beer ad. The helmets, pads and pain killing syringes are not just for show - they need this shit and then some. The winner is usually the team with lowest injury count. BTW the actual winner, is the one that makes the most bucks for the owner over the course of the season.

Second, the league brass needs to be reminded that this game and everything surrounding it is simply entertainment. Let me repeat for the brain damaged with questionable comprehension - it's only ENTERTAINMENT. World karma is not remotely at stake. Human survival is not being prolonged. We won't be out of Iraq any sooner. North Korea will still have nukes. The betterment of mankind is not being enhanced. No more kids in Sudan are being fed. We're still one viral mutation away from extinction. Watching a 3 hour football game is NO different than watching 2 hours of Laurel and Hardy reruns except that it will lighten your wallet a hellva lot faster and may get you beat up if you're wearing the wrong jersey or wave cheer out of synch. Another hint for the brass: Take a lesson from smackdown wrestling - add some drama to the pre and post games. Let these doped up human, neckless giants with wired up knees and more testosterone than brain matter get it on before and after the "game". That's what the fans want. This isn't Indian/Pakistani cricket with tea and scoons at intermission. This is American football where it's expected that the big boys maim each other. Why else would anyone pay $250 for a ticket and $20 beers in the ozone layer seats.

Here's a hint: there was more press time and talk radio banter on the pregame "incident" than on the actual game. Figured it out yet.

Time to go. Smackdown is starting. Gotta git my beer.

nevolutionists

The November '04 issue of National Geographic cites some interesting statistics based on Gallup polling regarding American views on the theory of evolution. "no less than 45% believe "God" created humans in their present form within the last 10,000 years and evolution played no role whatsoever". Only 12% believe humans evolved from other life-forms without intervention from God. The article goes on to summarize all the evidence that supports the evolutionary theory. It however, does leave the door open for a divine start of the process which many scientists and even many theologians also believe. Contrarily some theologians believe all 8,000,000+ species were planted on earth at time zero. I suppose their explanation for all the fossil finds dating back millions of years is voodoo science conspiracy. As further pointed out in the article the survey results haven't changed in the last 20 years with strict creationism being soley believed by at least 44% in each poll.

What's interesting and disturbing about these stats is the sheer arrogance it portrays about the human species and our profound lack of security in our existence. Apparently our brains have "evolved" to where we have too much time to think about why we are actually here. And because we are able ask the question we must therefore need a reason that sets us apart from the "other 8,400,000 species." Apparently for most, the reason lies with the writings of a few other humans a couple thousand years ago.

Will our arrogance be the basis of our survival for the next 10,000 years or even 10 years. Or the basis of our extinction.

Here's a scary thought: we are only one viral or bacterial mutation away from extinction. Whoops. That's Darwinism and evolution in its most simple form!

some choice

In a few daya I'll be in the booth with choices to make. I've read the endorsments, watched the debates, laughed at the cartoons and John Stewart, read the political blogs, snoozed in front of endless FOX, CNN, MSNBC, ABC, NBC, CBS, C-Span ............. analyses. Live in a swing state. Had countless "vote for my guy" phone calls.

The choice comes down to:

- someone who claims a broadband link to his god
- has unwavering convictions with no gray fringes
- selected a cabinet and advisors that view the world from a 60's vantage point
- took us to a war where the very reasons have been proven unfounded and yet continues to justify the error in the face of continuing deaths and injuries to both sides - go back to point one, which god does he talk to?
- alienated most of our friends and neighbors
- spends like a Massachusetts liberal without a hint of fiscal responsibility
- pretty much anti-human choice except for the unborn?

or

- someone who will promise anything to everyone for a vote
- wavering convictions
- carried by a gigantic political sail
- has as much gray thinking as explanations for position changes

It boils down to a right wing fanatic with left wing spending habits versus a left wing moderate wannabe.

Is this the best our political system can offer us. Some choice!!

them and us, you and me

Them and us, you and me, him and her, mind and yours, WTF. Has the golden rule become the tarnished exception. Where's the tolerance for difference. Don't you idiots realize that if we were all the same, doing the same shit that it would be boredom to the extremes. Don't you social neanderthals understand that the fringes create change and drive progress. Lighten up and embrace difference. Be different. Is your humanhood so lacking that your self value is dependent on ridiculing another. Are you so uptight with self doubt that demeaning another is your self validation. Is your self worth so meaningless that enrichment must come from the expense of others. Can you not comprehend that humanoids, you, need social acceptance. It's key to survival. How is alienation from fellow uprights creating acceptance. Seek peace and zen my friends for the world is a lonely place alone.

I know I'm better than most of you drolls but I'm not going to ridicule the idiots.

sports performance enhancements - WTF

I'm very confused. BTW, some would not be shocked by this admission. Anyhow, it's not clear to me why the line for banned sports performance enhancements has been drawn at the use of synthetics. The high profile cases we hear about are the doping charges by the various athletic governing bodies on some of their enhanced athletes caught by drug testing. But it seems to me that there's major inconsistency in what is being defined as artificial enhancement. Steroid use is currently a no - no for bulking up, but weight lifing and protein gorging is ok. In fact, the use of any of the high tech workout machines is encouraged. But is it natural to work the body on an electric powered stair master with every bodily function being monitored to millisecond percision by some digital computer gizmo. Oh, and guzzling a 9 egg white party mix is something everybody does for breakfast. EPO and blood doping are frowned on, but altitude training is encouraged. Same end result. WTF. Most event day stimulants are banned including the minute amounts found in over the counter niffle stoppers but downing a gallon of your favorite jo is right on. How about other unnatural enhancements like super glove stick for catching a wet football - that's real natural. How about body shaving for slipping through the water a little quicker - yup all that body fuzz is darn right unnatural and even more natural is the new shark skin swimwear. Carbohydrate loading before an endurance event - ok, all humanoids are guttons and willingly gorge on pizza when given a chance. So why are certain enhancers banned and others encouraged. Damn upright logic has no logic. We always find a way to do everything halfass. (Must be the same logic that says wacky weed is off limits but willingly subsidizes and promotes a product that kills 10's of thousands of addicts a year by a broad leaf plant called tobbaco.) BTW, it's just a matter of time before the self appointed regulators have to deal with genome tampering and custom mutations. Gotta believe it's already happening. Animal breeders have been doing this for generations. This will spin some heads into a deep regulation fog. Testosterone enhancement will seem like child's play.

For some reason my enhancement of choice, cold dark beer sipped in the comfort of my soft sofa, never got me to world class status.

nip, tuck, snip, slice, fold, hide, pare

The recent cultural trend of cosmetic rejuvenation has been bantered about in the press, around the water cooler and between beers. I personally find myself on the side of the more the better. Here's my simple logic. Ugliness needs to be purged. Why discourage improvement for the human eyesores. The world is ugly enough without all the scary uprights making it worse. And if self control loses to guttony and subsequent rotundness then let the liposuction technology clean the mess up. If inbreeding played a cruel joke on Darrell's sister then let technology fix it and save them from the glaring and mutant jokes. If Auntie Claudette tobacco induced winkles wins first prize at the Chinese chow show then tighten them up. If Uncle Matt's butt droops worse than Aunt Millie's boops then give both a lift. We need to keep the beautiful in "America the Beautiful". Sag and droop needs to be banished. If we could only find a scapel that could fix ugly personalities.

Pass the mirror I need to look at my wonderfulness.