You might be a real Vermonter if

- you plug in your engine block heater before your morning jo.
- your swimming pool brook trout ate the rubber duckies and the neighbor's cat.
- you really did walk to school in 2 feet of snow. Really.
- your "come bosssssssss" can be heard across two valleys and fill a barn before sunrise.
- your new boots are waterproofed with genuine fresh steaming cow shit.
- your fondest per-adolescent teats hung from a Jersey.
- your tractor is green with a hand clutch and has a 2 cylinder putt-putt deeper than any Harley Davidson.
- you enjoy 4 of the 5 seasons - summer, leaf peeping, hunting, skiing, and love the 5th - mud.
- you find the smell of a fresh manured hay field better than all the numbers of Chanel.
- you made half your summer wages as a kid driving tractors during the county fair cavalcade.
- your normal work day starts at 5am and ends at breakfast.
- your hand calluses are tougher than an old wire brush and not nearly as soft.
- you use your turn signals sparingly because you know where you're going.
- you define fine gourmet dining by what's new at the county fair.
- you lobby the international Olympic committee to make horse pulling an Olympic sport.
- you save the -30 degree days for ice fishing. You do lots of ice fishing.
- you contributed 3 months beer allowance to the Fred Tuttle for US Congress fund.
- you use your neighbors pink lawn swans for target practice.
- you make extra money water witching for flatlanders.
- knowing Ames was the original Walmart.
- you had a farmers tan in the 1st grade at age 6 and Popeye forearms in the 3rd grade at age 12.
- you were weaned on Black Label beer.
- your pickup is worth more than your house.
- your snowmobile is worth more than your pickup.
- your ice fishing shanty is worth more than your snowmobile.
- your gun collection is worth more than your fishing shanty.
- your pocketknife is your best friend.
- your next best friend doesn't dare borrow your pocketknife.
- your next best friend is welcome to borrow your truck, snowmobile and wife.
- your axe is double bitted and has an elmwood handle with your favorite Jersey's initials carved in it.
- you have 3 years of wood cut, stacked and seasoned. And years 4 and 5 on the ground.
- you found your wife at the weekend auction bidding against you for the used farrier's anvil.
- your yearly fireworks display is the January chimney fire.
- your favorite chair and prized tools were found at the town dump.
- dump day is the Vermont sabbath.
- post graduate work is shop class.
- you decreed town meeting day a national holiday.
- fancy grade refers to canned beer and maple syrup.
- knowing Vermont was the 14th original colony and claimed rights to half of present day NY and NH and are now damn glad you gave them up.
- your great, great, great, grandfather voted for Ethan Allen for president.
- you eat dinner at noon and supper at 5.
- your milk is straight from the pail.
- your bacon is hanging in the wood shed.
- your eggs are straight from the old hen roost.
- your last 2 deer took 3 flashlight batteries and a salt lick to bag.
- summer camp requires down jackets and a ream of black fly netting.
- bag balm is used for jock itch.
- horse hoof liniment is used for your toenail fungus.
- milkweed pod milk is used to clear your warts.
- your root cellar has sprouted potatoes from 3 years back and wilted carrots from the great depression.