Perfection can not be improved

This is such a simple concept yet it is violated continuously by corporate marketing idiots. Take for example, Chips Ahoy cookies. The original Chips Ahoy's are sheer perfection. The designers stumbled across a divine combination of just the right mix of small dark chocolate chips captured in a crispy, but not too hard cookie batter blend. Even the size is perfection with 3 manly chomps and it's gone and you're onto the next one. Then the unthinkable. Out comes a soft version. And then a version with M&M's. WTF. Who wants a soft cookie. That's cake. Are they targeting ivoryless geriatrics and former hockey players that need to gum their food? Why add extraneous ingredients. M&M's by themselves are near perfection directly from the bag. Mixing one perfection with another perfection does not enhance perfection. You simply negate all that was perfect and end up with warm stinking dog dung. In case you wonder, dog shiat is not perfection, not even to a dung beetle. It stinks like crap and sticks too easily to my waffle treads. Let me repeat. Perfection can not be improved.

The list goes on. Original Oreos are perfect. Nobody wants double stuffing so why offer it. And what's with Hydrox cookies. I ain't eating nothing that sounds like some inorganic synthetic conjoured up by Dupont's sickest chemists. Fig newtons another perfection. Nobody wants cran or apple newtons, only figs. Cheerios. Drop the honey glaze. Beer. Stop serving that diluted horse piss labeled "lite" or "light". Friar Tuck has been tossing in his drunken grave since the late 70's when this sorry excuse for manhood brew hit the NFL half time shows. Lite beer is for girly men and washing my underwear. Hersey's kisses. Who decided that adding an almond made sense. Chocolate and peanut butter. Again two perfections mixed making warm cat shiat look attractive. And what's with white chocolate? Chocolate is brown! Even the name sounds brown and cocoa beans are brown. Not white. There should be no confusion on this point. Porsche and SUV. What a stupid idea. A Porsche is for blasting the twisties at 110 mph and for attracting arm candy. A Porsche is not for soccer moms and snot-nosed kids with suburban attitudes.

Now admittedly some products are in desparate need of improvement. Brussel sprouts come to mind. Why would anyone willingly put something that smells so bad into their mouth? Expect possibly a dung beetle. Or I suppose the cortex dead that also consume boiled cabbage and tapioca pudding. How do these drolls keep from tossing their stomach poo. Same for poached eggs. Cook the damn things. Eggs are not supposed to run. Anywhere.

Time to end this rant. My perfection needs a little primping.