true cold box innovation

Where's the innovation in that old trustly kitchen appliance fondly called the frig. We've seen hi-tech ice dispensers. We seen electronic sensors and smart thermostats. We've seen stainless steel interiors and exteriors. We've seen matching cabinetry doors. We've seen magnetic latches. We've seen magic and mystifying defrosters. We've seen erroneous claims of 100+% efficient compressors. Some will even have a conversation with you and tell you when you need to replace the 15 day old curdled milk. All well and good but quite frankly these are all frivilous window dressings that only tempt the weak minded to replace old faithful. What would be true innovation and provide real value to us homo sapien uprights is a "top shelf only" cold box. That's right a beer and luncheon meat chiller with only one shelf - the top shelf. You know that eye level convenient resting spot for all those goodies that need chilling before grilling or swilling. I can't believe that the world has waited for me, Captain Oblivious, to point out to the appliance manufacturing giants of the world that any shelf other than the top shelf is totally useless and employed only under death threatening and agonizing duress. If an upright humanoid has to flex its arthritic knees and calcium deficient vertebrate to view the inventory below the top shelf then odds are that the stash of mold infested chinese take out and last month's burrito leftovers with 3rd degree freezer burned refries will remain in their deserved resting spots until the house burns down or a pigmy family moves in. The solution is right in front of us. Design an 8-10 foot wide temperature chiller that's mountable to the wall at eye level. Oh, and make it height adjustable because the naysayers will claim eye level varies a bit from Shak to Wee Man. Nothing from the nipple ring level and south is needed or desired. Two swing out doors is all that is required. No ice dispenser wanted as any civilized humanoid only uses frosted beer mugs. Who cares about the fancy exterior design, what matters is the surface area of the one and only shelf. It must have the capacity for all the chiller's important cargo. What to do with the large emptiness left below the new and greatly improved frosting unit. That becomes a tidy spot for the digital big screen or a roll away stand for the handily mounted brewster keg. For the pussy clobbered among us it could also serve as another dusty nic-nac haven. All problems easily solved.

Somebody get me a frosty dark one for my work is now done.