5 Guys Burger and Fries

Over the next several weeks (this started last August) I will be doing a local burgers and fries reviews over a variety of categories and then at the end will do a relative comparison to each other with perhaps the ideal burger and fries compiled from the best attributes amongst the samples.  Our first stop is Five Guys.

I've been to several 5 Guys over the past 4-5 years spanning in geography from Erie, OBX, Richmond to Indy.  Pretty much cookie cutter from one to another as in most francheses.

No drive thru.  Gotta go in and order or there is an option to preorder but who does that.  There's a short line on this fine Sunday evening.  Took about 15 minutes from pull-in to the parking lot to leaving with the goods.  Ordered a hamburger, a cheese burger and "regular" fries and 2 regular dispenser drinks.  The lady was with me.  The order was prepared in plain sight although most folks don't pay any attention to this feature.  I did notice that all the food preparers were wearing latex gloves and hats.  That's good.

The order goes into a brown paper bag regardless of where the food will be eaten.  We took the eats to the PI marina and watched the bay boat traffic and Darrel and Darrelet looking for beach glass.  If one elected to chow at 5 Guys they would find it quite loud and barren with very little chance for a private meal.  You can pork down as many "free" peanuts as you can eat while waiting.  Not sure who sweeps up the peanut shell mess.
 
The burgers are wrapped in tin foil.  The "regular" burger is actually 2 patties.  The "small" burger only has 1 patty.  This is perhaps a ploy to the unaware customer.  Most people would simply order a burger thinking it's a regular 1 patty affair like in all the other burger places.  A "small" implies perhaps a kid's meal size.  With the 2 patties it's quite a good sized burger.  I ordered mine with lettuce, tomato and mustard.  The burger cost is $3.99.  The small is $2.99.



The buns are the sesame style, aka, Mac look alikes.  Nothing special with them.  Overall the burger is good but I did drip several grease spots onto my just washed favorite summer shirt. 

The fries are fried in peanut oil.  This is advertized as natural and without cholesterol.  Unfortunately oil is oil with respect to calories per gram.  They are very oily and are very bad unless one has rusted knee joints.  They always throw in a few handfuls of extras into the bag to make it a very large order.  I'm guessing they playing the pshyco game again having folks think they're getting an extra special deal.  All they're getting is more very greasy fries that oil up the bag and everything inside it.  The bag got so oily I had to dump the fries out and discard the bag because it had started to get oil all over the car console and me.



The drinks are normal fare.  Although unlike many dispensers that use local water this did not have any flouride flavor.  The cups are the ubiquitous waxed paper kind.  I prefer the styrofoam style as they keep the drink cold  longer.  There is an environmental downside to the styrofoam but these folks walked over that line when they opted for the tin foil burger wrappers.

We eat the goods and both end up with grease spotted shirts. 

Until I get futher into the study my contigent ratings  are:

- convenience of buying - ok
- time from order to meal - slower than drive thru but not as slow as a sitdown
- presentation of meal - that tin foil needs to go and replaced with something more green and less shine
- cost - average, although I felt duped by the labeling
- bun - average, no differentiation over Mac's, the King, and little Wendy
- condiments - at least you can have it your way
- drinks - average, no differentiation
- eat-in ambiance is too sparse and open.  Even most Mac's have booths. 
- fries - no more than once per year and one needs to be very, very hungry.  The greasy bag is a real problem!

Overall rating:  3 barf bags.

The barf bag scale is 1 to 5 with 1 being heaven on earth fare and 5 being bear bait.

it might be Christmas if

- there was a heavy thumbing of feet by the "youngins" at 6 am with a strong hint of "get the heck up"
- they insist on a speed breakfast
- the "youngins" are 25, 30 and 30 years old
- momma is whipping up a gluttoness feed
- 3+ hours are spent assembling the new wave gizmo
- "I don't need no stinking directions"
- the Ralphie ("A Christmas Story") marathon is on and on and on
- the family room looks like the aftermath of a stage 5 hurricane
- there's a chocolate/brandy mousse cup or two or three calling my name
- the sky is gray and the ground brown (we live in a snow belt!)
- I'm getting incessant emails advertizing after-Christmas sales
- ......

Grannie spots and kittens

While making myself pretty a few days ago I happened to spot a pencil eraser sized, irregular shaped, gray spot on the upper left side rib cage area.  After the weekly pruning of the nose and ear hairs I fire up Google - "signs of skin cancer."  I soon learn the mole alphabet, the ABCDE of suspicous skin growths. 

"A" is for symmetry. Anything not perfectly round or apparently equal sided is for concern.  "B" is for border and an irregular border is grim reaper time.  "C" is for color.  Gray or dark skin pigment is not a cheer you up tone.  "D" is for diameter.  Anything over 6mm (pencil erasor) is call the morgue.  "E" is for evolution, i.e., has it changed - well ya, it just showed up!  Get a toe tag.

I had the wife (she's the beneficiary of my life insurance) make me an appointment post-haste with the skin doctor.  I had been to him twice before in years past and he had dismissed my lesions with a squirt of his liquid nitrogen bottle he had tied to his tool belt and made life normal again. 

There's more back story.  I grew up in the era when early summer back burn was the right of passage for a great summer.  In my case living and working on a dairy farm made this process way too easy.  A few shirtless days on the tractor in early June and one had burn blisters that the sun god Apollo would admire.  From my belt and south it was milky white.  Farmers do not wear shorts or deordorant. I am also the descendant of northern Europeans of the fair skin and missing melanin kind.

Doc day arrives and I make the visit.  He comes in with his micrometer and we exchange a few pleasantries and he asks to see the goods.  I lift my shirt, point to the offender and he measures the rib eye and nonchalantly says "6 millimeters .. old age spot."  I gasp and say "old age spot?!"  "Can't be.  You sure it ain't cancer?"   "Nope."   No cancer but I got a damn gray grannie spot.  And he said more would be likely.  What the hell!!

Oh well, my hair has been grayish for a few years and I can't run as fast anymore.  I suppose a gray skin lesion or two will be useful to give us more space at the beach while the young kids from New Jersey gawk at the scary old man.

Ever see a gray grannie spot on a kitten?  Me either.

it might be the season if

• it's snowing and minus and my tractor sits in the barn with the mowing deck attached and the plow detached.  the tire chains are mia. 
• i get 11 emails a day from amazon touting their special free shipping seasons deals
• my sockless loafers are causing me piggy discomfort
• the hole in the sole of my left sockless loafer is causing me unusual pedi discomfort
• not one of a more than a dozen snow and ice scrapers can be found
• santa's helper has made dozens of visits to the mall with each getting lead story coverage by the local wxxx 
• it's dark when i go to the office and dark when i leave and more than murky at noon
• i spend the good part of the t-holiday hauling decorations from the barn, attic, garage and a myriad of closets to be put on display
• harry's law and csi get preempted by a cartoon holiday special
• i can't get "rump, pum pum, pum" out of my head
• it was a white-out on the way home last night
• others were impeding my travel by driving like it was white out
• the windshield washer fluid tank is empty
• the seat heater still fries my bacon 
• the cat  naps inside
• we've already received a dozen holiday cards
• my annual epistle has yet to be started
• there is an abundance of past year humankind folly to epistle about
• the woman just handed me the holiday day card list
• the gas fireplace burns with a loud "cha ching"
• the holiday lights shine with loud "cha ching"
• i thought i fixed the hole in the right index finger of my winter gloves
• water still freezes at 32 or less
• the squirrels are munching at the deluxe squirrel proof bird feeders
• orange blazers and adult bambi play hide n' seek
• mince meat pie beckons
• i've reluctantly gone to the winter belt hole which resides a couple to the right of the summer belt hole