socks and screwdrivers

I am totally convinced that there is a gravity sucking black hole unrelentlessly tugging at socks and screwdrivers.  I have at least 300 single, unmatched socks.  I never lose both socks, it's always just the one and the survivoring mate is left to remind me of this galactic mystery.  I suggest that this is prove positive for a parallel universe.

Screwdrivers just plain disappear.  I haven't owned as many scewdrivers as socks but it's damn close.  If I need one (which usually corresponds to a home emergency like a stuck toilet valve) the routine is to search in the kitchen junk drawer, toolbox (which is the last place I should look given the very slim odds that one should actually be there), under the seat of my suburban, barn, wife's studio (the odds are the best that I might find one there), office, stuck in the snout end of a half used tube of dried up caulk ...... Once the blood pressure reaches 210/160 and my eye sockets are 3 heart beats from exploding I just give up and make a trip to the local hardware store where we are on a first name basis and buy another one.  Or f--- the toilet.

On the slim chance I should find one it will be the one that I used as a cement chisel and the head is blunted down to a rounded knob.   Or it's a snub handled phillips and I need a long shank flat head.

So when the cosmologists figure out a way to worm hole our way to the other side I will retrieve all my missing socks and screwdrivers.

beans and greens

A month ago today mom and I decided on the spur of the moment to go vegetarian.  This is shocking on a number of levels.  First we both were brought up in meat and potatoes families and many times the potato was optional.  Our families raised beef, pig, fowl and hunted game.  Blood, grizzle and tenderloin was ubiquitous.  White and the other white meat was at the top of the food pyramid and red meat at the bottom.  Second we decided to do this 2 weeks shy of the gorge and plunder meal of the year - Thanksgiving.  Ok, we slipped a bit that day and had a slice or 3 of turkey.  But that was it.  Before and since then it's been nothing but beans, salads, and pots of pasta, beans and more freaking beans.

Most of the meals have been pretty good, although I find myself searching for those nuggets of meat that aren't there.  A couple I wouldn't give to the mangy opossum that licks out the bottom of our trash bin.

A week ago a Five Guys opened within walking distance of my office.  Their burgers are award winning.  Their peanut oil fried french fries are as good as the burgers.  Arrggg.... Old man drool is not pretty.

A couple of times a week I would stop at the local Country Fair and own 2 Smith's dogs soaked in mustard.  Now it's an apple and dark chocolate.

Eggs and bacon were weekend staples.  Now it Cheerios and bran with skim.

A new local fare opened in town offering mediterranean.  We order the veggie burrito without the sour cream.  Weird looks from the waitress.

We promised each other a beefup day every now and then.  I'm feeling like it will be sooner rather than later . 

We must be near the top of the food chain for a reason!!  I doubt this diet is it.