Friday, December 10, 2010

socks and screwdrivers


I am totally convinced that there is a gravity sucking black hole unrelentlessly tugging at socks and screwdrivers.  I have at least 300 single, unmatched socks.  I never lose both socks, it's always just the one and the survivoring mate is left to remind me of this galactic mystery.  I suggest that this is prove positive for a parallel universe.

Screwdrivers just plain disappear.  I haven't owned as many scewdrivers as socks but it's damn close.  If I need one (which usually corresponds to a home emergency like a stuck toilet valve) the routine is to search in the kitchen junk drawer, toolbox (which is the last place I should look given the very slim odds that one should actually be there), under the seat of my suburban, barn, wife's studio (the odds are the best that I might find one there), office, stuck in the snout end of a half used tube of dried up caulk ...... Once the blood pressure reaches 210/160 and my eye sockets are 3 heart beats from exploding I just give up and make a trip to the local hardware store where we are on a first name basis and buy another one.  Or f--- the toilet.

On the slim chance I should find one it will be the one that I used as a cement chisel and the head is blunted down to a rounded knob.   Or it's a snub handled phillips and I need a long shank flat head.

So when the cosmologists figure out a way to worm hole our way to the other side I will retrieve all my missing socks and screwdrivers.

No comments: